"Birthday Sex"

Or maybe we can float on top my waterbed
You close your eyes as I improv between your legs
We work our way from kitchens, stoves and tables
Girl, you know I'm more than able to please yeah
You say you wanted flowers on the bed
But you got me and now it's on again

This was the top R&B song in the country last week, and I heartily approve of the sentiment. I am in complete agreement that we need to raise awareness of and have a national discussion on the very important topic of birthday sex.

Especially because today is my birthday.

While birthday sex may be a fantastic idea, "Birthday Sex" is a lousy song, both musically, and (more to the point) lyrically. Not to get all old-fogey here, but whatever happened to the smooth subtlety of a Marvin Gaye or Barry White? Okay, those are ambitious targets, but it is asking too much to at least try to show a little charm and class?

This song takes a beautiful concept (especially for today) and makes it sound juvenile. Like it was written by a dirty-minded thirteen-year-old virgin. (Stoves? Really?) Which might make some sort of sense, given that much of the song's airplay is on radio stations aimed at thirteen-year-olds (I'm looking at you, "92.3 NOW"). And that's a whole other problem right there.

Yet another problem that you may be having is what to get me for my birthday. Well, hint, hint... But if you're not around, then could you please at least find me a better song on the subject?