"She Don't Use Jelly"

I know a girl who reminds me of Cher
She's always changing the color of her hair
She don't use nothing that you buy at the store
She likes her hair to be real orange
She uses tangerines

Yes, I know this song is a silly little novelty and the lyrics are supposed be be somewhat absurd. As such it makes a great song to sing to my baby daughter. Why bother with insipid children's music (and it's almost all insipid, even the stuff that claims not to be) when there are plenty of songs to sing and play that you can enjoy as much as your kids? "La La Love You" by The Pixies is another good example.

So I appreciate the song for what it is, and I applaud the attempt to rhyme the word "orange" (even though it doesn't work at all if one has a New York accent). Tangerines won't turn your hair orange, but I'm allowing a little poetic license. And I can picture an orange-haired Cher, though I usually don't. No, my beef is that you can buy tangerines at a store! Unless one lives in the right climate to be able to visit a local citrus grove, or to be able to grow one's own, a store is exactly where one would get a tangerine.

And even if magic hair-coloring tangerines are only available via a special TV offer (call our toll-free number, operators are standing by!), they'll be in stores marked "As Seen On TV" soon enough.