"Like A G6"

Poppin bottles in the ice, like a blizzard
When we drink we do it right gettin slizzard
Sippin sizzurp in my ride, in my ride, like Three 6
Now I'm feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin so fly like a G6
Like a G6, Like a G6
Now now now now now now I'm feelin so fly like a G6

Holy wow, these lyrics make my head hurt. I was wondering when I'd get to be too old to enjoy pop music; given that this song is currently the number one song in the USA, that moment is officially right now. It's been a good ride; pop music and I have had some great times together. Sure we've had some rough patches - the Black Eyed Peas are a current bone of contention - but now that cut-rate ripoffs of the Black Eyed Peas are scoring number one hits, I think pop music is finally telling me it's over. "Go turn the station to some AAA or Hot AC, old man. You just don't get me anymore" it says. "Kids these days drink sizzurp and get slizzard while texting about their three and G sixes, and you're still doing the Safety Dance."

Well, I was never sure what the Safety Dance is, and I'm not going to try to find out what the hell a "G6" is. That's exactly what they want me to do...

"TiK ToK"

Ain't got a care in world, but got plenty of beer
Ain't got no money in my pocket, but I'm already here
And now, the dudes are lining up cause they hear we got swagger
But we kick 'em to the curb unless they look like Mick Jagger

The current hit "Tik Tok" is the musical equivalent of a VH1 show: an aggressively talentless, insultingly unsubtle paean to the joys of what some call "partying"- that is, getting wasted and fighting. It hardly seems fair to complain that the lyrics are insipid.

But really, Mick Jagger? Now I get that rock musicians are considered sexy simply by virtue of their being rock musicians. Women swoon over Mick Jagger because he *is* Mick Jagger, not because he looks like Mick Jagger. Who'd want someone who merely looks like Mick Jagger? That's like looking for a guy who's as faithful as Tiger Woods.

But hey, eye of the beholder and all that. Even so, he's 44 years older than her - that's not twice, but thrice her age! Never mind daddy issues, perhaps Ke$ha has granddaddy issues.

EAVB_VNKMCKQDSK

"Don't Matter"

Nobody wanna see us together
But it don't matter no
'Cause I got you babe
'Cause we gon' fight
Oh yes we gon' fight
Believe we gon' fight
We gonna fight
Fight for our right to love yeah

"Nobody"? I don't particularly care one way or another about who he's with. Presumably, he hasn't considered my opinion, instead meaning nobody he knows wants to see them together. But he's gon' fight for their right to love, yeah. A noble-sounding, Romeo-and-Juliet sentiment, and I bet all the high schoolers with persecution complexes of their own are totally feeling it.

In real life, it's hard to be objective about the girl you love, or more accurately, the girl you desperately want the right to love. If all of your friends have problems with your relationship, maybe you need to step back and consider just what it is they object to.

Deep down, Akon knows they have a point. He freely admits in one of the verses that the girl "got every right to wanna leave" because he's been acting "off the wall" and that "most" of the rumors about him and other women just ain't true. Kind of weakens his case. The song becomes less a you-and-me-against-the-world act of defiance, and more the song of a pitiful broken man begging his girl not to leave. I'm sure that's not what he's going for.